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I’m Being Discriminated Against…Again!

Well, it’s happened again.   Another group of people has decided I can no longer belong to their “unique” club.    This time it’s the Russian Oligarchs.  The bastards.   I mean, sure, I’m not Russian;...

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God Abandons Patriots–Eagles Win Super Bowl

New England Patriots Fan Cries After God Allows Eagles To Win Super Bowl Foxborough, Massachusetts.    New England Patriots fans are saddened today because God announced he favored the Eagles in last...

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A Few Naked Pictures

I think those folks are staring at us ’cause we’re naked. Bark at ’em or somethin’ and maybe they’ll go away.   Are you sure this is how the French do it?   Listen, I’m just too tired to put anything...

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Because I Had Bone Spurs….

“I Wasn’t Able To Catch And Eat Tweety Bird.”   Sylvester the Cat, April 15th, 2011   “I Was Unable To Stand And Run When John Wilkes Booth Started Shooting At Me, So I Was Killed.”   April 15th, 1865...

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Orange Panther Movie With Donald Trump Coming Soon

Donald Trump As The Orange Panther Hollywood California.   Because of the great success of the movie Black Panther, now in theaters, Donald Trump has decided to make a movie about himself called Orange...

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Stormy Daniels Releases Sketch Of Man Who Threatened Her

Naked City, North Carolina.   X-rated film star, Stormy Daniels released a police sketch today of a man she claims threatened her to keep quiet about an affair she had several years ago with Donald...

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I Worked Security On Noah’s Ark, Says Hamster

Crazy City, Montana.  A cute little teddy bear hamster named Ezekiel stopped by the Pontificator office yesterday and told me that not only was he a passenger on Noah’s Ark, he was its chief of...

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